


Do You Feel it Too?

by tonysleatherjacket



Series: Zalex Prompts [1]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 11:06:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14735798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonysleatherjacket/pseuds/tonysleatherjacket
Summary: Zach and Alex have been quietly in love with each other for some time now. One of them decides to say something about it.





	Do You Feel it Too?

**Author's Note:**

> You can submit zalex one-shot prompts for me to write in the comments or on my tumblr @tonysleatherjacket

The sun beats down on my back as I’m bent down, tightening my shoelaces. Summer’s just started, but that doesn’t mean I can relax completely. There’s no way in hell I’m doing football in the fall, not with all the guys who continued to stand with Bryce, and did things just as bad as he did. I might have quit all school sports, but I still need to stay in shape. Besides, running helps me clear my head. So I take off, my arms swinging as I race down the uneven cement of the neighborhood trail. My pace increases, arms pumping, and I run so hard it feels like I’m weightless. I don’t stop until I feel lightheaded, and I stumble off to the grass, sitting down in the shade and wiping the sweat from my forehead with the bottom of my t-shirt.

As soon as I walk into my room after my shower, my phone buzzes. I slip on a pair of underwear and another t-shirt, before looking at my cell.

**Alex: hey, you busy?**

**Zach: no, I just got in from a run. what’s up?**

I finish drying my hair and toss the towel into my hamper.

**Alex: I don’t know. it’s nothing, really**

**Zach: tell me. what is it?**

I sit on my bed, phone in hand, anxiously tapping my fingers against the sides of my case as I wait for his response. What if something’s wrong?

**Alex: im like, better now, you know? really I am, I swear**

**Zach: I know you are**

**Alex: but sometimes it just feels the same**

**Zach: the same?**

My heart lurches into my throat. The same? Was Alex talking about his suicide attempt?

**Alex: no, not the same, I guess. I won’t ever try to do that again, you know that. but the way I felt when I did it, sometimes I start to feel like that again**

**Zach: dude, are you okay?**

**Alex: I don’t know**

**Zach: do you want me to come over?**

**Alex: yes**

I quickly throw on a pair of jeans and slip into my tennis shoes. I grab my keys and I’m out the door with a quick, “Going to Alex’s! Be back later.” My heart is ramming inside my chest, panic settling in like a black cloud. Recovery is never easy, I knew that. I know it. I’ve seen it. Alex has bad days sometimes. I believe him when he says he’ll never try to kill himself again, but I can’t help but remember the way I felt when I called Alex back that day and he didn’t answer, and instead his dad did. It felt like getting sucker punched. Like the wind being knocked out of you. Over and over and over again. I couldn’t breathe. I don’t think the feeling subsided until he came out of the coma. I could breathe, but there was still a hollowness in my chest. I’m constantly afraid of feeling like that again.

Mrs. Standall opens the door for me when I ring the bell. “Hello Zach, Alex is in his room. It’s nice to see you again.”

“You too.” Mrs. Standall always felt like the perfect suburban mom. Blonde hair and tanned skin, always smiling. She smelled like warm cookies and happiness.

I enter Alex’s room without knocking. He’s lying on his bed, eyes closed, headphones in. I shut the door behind me. I flop beside him on the bed, which gets his attention. His eyes open slowly and he pulls the earbuds from his ears.

“Hey.”

“Alex, what’s wrong?” I speak slowly, willing my voice not to crack. I try so hard to keep myself composed. I’ve built a wall around myself so fucking high, you’d never be able to see the ground. This is the way it’s supposed to be, for me. In my family, you don’t talk about feelings. At least not the bad ones, the ones that are hard or embarrassing to talk about. We’re all just so _fine._ I’m good at pretending I’m fine. So why does Alex bring out all these emotions I’ve trained myself to ignore?

Alex takes a minute, and shifts, before speaking. “Sometimes the guilt is just so strong. I feel it in waves. I’m afraid I’ll drown in it.”

I know how he feels. We’ve all felt it.

“You are stronger than your bad thoughts, Alex.”

“I know.” He avoids looking me in the eye. I think he’s afraid he might start crying. “I just didn’t want to be alone right now.”

“I’m here. I’m always here.”

I lay down on the bed beside Alex, and after a thirty second debate in my head, I throw my arm around him and scoot closer, so close our sides touch, my right to his left. He’s tense at first, but relaxes into my touch.

We’re quiet for what feels like a long time. “This isn’t weird, right?”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Like, we’re two dudes, on a bed, cuddling.”

“We aren’t-“

“Yes, we are.”

And my heart starts racing for reasons I don’t even want to consider. “It’s not weird.” I finally say.

“Like getting a boner for your best friend isn’t weird either.”

“It was just the-“

“Physical contact, I know.”

I can hear the smirk in his voice even if I’m not looking at his face. We’re silent again for some time. My arm starts to grow stiff, and I roll to the side, into Alex. I bury my face into his chest so I can hide my burning cheeks. Because this is weird, I know it is.

“So things are about to get a whole lot weirder.” He says, voice slightly shaky. “Because I can’t keep ignoring this anymore.”

I sit up, removing my arm from around him. Whatever he has to say, he’s serious.

“Ever since, you know…you’ve always been there for me. During my recovery. And I guess, at first, I was still in love with Jessica. I even thought I always would be, at some point. But I don’t know, when she broke up with me, for the last and final time, I think I was finally able to let go of my feelings for her.”

He pauses, glancing at me uncertainly. I stare back, willing him to continue. “But I…the past few months, doing PT and I don’t know, just hanging out together…I started to feel. Um. Things.”

My breathing halts. I gulp, but it feels like there’s no air.

“You know, like, not friendly things.”

“Alex,” I start, but he cuts me off.

“And I know you’re like the straightest person ever, and you could have any girl you wanted, but I just needed you to know I-“

This time I’m the one who cuts him off, as I lean forward to kiss him. It’s a slight peck, my lips barely touching his. I didn’t think I would ever have the nerve to do this. I can’t believe I actually did it, to be honest. I’m kissing my best friend. My best friend who I’m pretty sure I’m in love with.

I pull back quickly, nervous. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Alex look more surprised.

“You, you feel it too?”

“I think I’ve always felt it, I just didn’t know.”

He smiles, almost shyly, and I kiss him again.


End file.
